"The Meaning of Life"

In 666 Words:

"The Meaning of Life"

by
John Aalborg

You have nothing to be proud of. There is no Santa Claus and there is no drive-up window somewhere in the sky where people are able to custom-order their parents and their genes before they are conceived. "Two healthy parents, please. Americans, of course. Rich, please. Oh, and I want them to be such-and-such color..." Since we don't get to pick our parents, any one of us could have been born an orphaned monkey in a burning rain-forest, or a starving rabbit in a low-budget research lab, or a fishing worm. It's a matter of luck, isn't it, who we are? In other words, you can be happy with what or where you are but you can't be proud. You had nothing to do with it.

You are here because your mother had, and possibly even enjoyed, unprotected sex. What her motives were for doing that have nothing to do with you. Even if your parents planned you, which egg got spiked by which sperm was a crapshoot. You are nothing more than an accident waiting to die.

Consider the Somalian.

The art, but not the dreary meaning, of a truly examined life is to crumble into depression and drugs as elegantly as possible while staying with your spouse until the kids are on their own.

If you insist on thinking you are a precious child of God, then God the Father is the original deadbeat dad. No address, no phone number, no support, no nothing. Not even a birthday card.

The reason television seems unsatisfying is because for the advertisers you are the wrong sex, the wrong age, and the wrong color. It's them, not you.

"Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?" This is how Paul Gauguin titled a wonderful painting over one-hundred years ago. At the time he was creating this masterpiece, beautiful Tahitian women were bringing him breakfast in bed. The lesson? You don't have to know the meaning of your squalid, diseased little life to have fun.

Kurt Vonnegut knows. He says we are here to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.

If it were important to know your purpose, or better yet, if it were important to live a long and healthy life so that you can fulfill your purpose, you would have arrived with a factory owner's manual. Think about that, but not too hard. It is not my purpose here to bury you with the dismal truth. But just imagine: your parents bring you home with a brand-new manual for their baby, written and printed by The Manufacturer! Included is a "profusely illustrated" and "generous" color section with every medical fact known by your Creator. Right.

Real world medical fact #1: When you have a serious accident or contract a horrible disease - through no fault of your own - and modern medicine is able to save you, this is not a "miracle". The miracle is that medical breakthroughs - via human dedication, research money, and bold and often fatal experiments - were able to cure you without any hints from God.

When you have an accident, don't be a dummy and say silly things like, "Gee, I'm lucky to be alive!" If you were lucky, you would not have had the accident.

If you were really lucky you would have skipped over this essay and could continue through your life thinking you have a purpose. You could be spending your entire life wasting time trying to find meaning without ever knowing you are just farting around. Think how happy you would be! "Ignorance is bliss" after all.

A secret space photograph of Earth, which NASA has yet to make public, is code-named: "The Emerald Craps Table" .

If you have read down to here, well, I wish you no harm. Look at it this way: if your life did have a purpose, would it be something you'd like?

Have a nice day, and may Lady Luck shine upon you.